I spent the weekend moving the woman into her new place in St. Cloud, 3 blocks from me. We rented a big yellow Penske moving truck for the task. I was concerned that the weather wouldn’t cooperate and I would be driving a big ass vehicle in the snow storm of the century, testing my commercial drivers license skills, but it was warm and sunny instead.

It has been a few years since I’ve driven a big truck, I welcomed the highway dominance. You see, when driving a rented moving vehicle (see uHaul) you are instantly in competition with all others on the road. No one is safe. WonderBread trucks, postal trucks, that kid on the bike with a glint in his eye, they all need to be passed, out-drove, and humiliated. I discovered this at the first stoplight we encountered in St. Paul. To my right, a uhaul. “Evenly matched” I thought to myself as I was revving the engine – which not surprisingly produced the standard “what the hell are you doing” look from the woman, but no matter. Hold on to somethin’ I mumbled as a sinister stare-down with the other rent-a-manhood driver ensued. I won the battle with an amazing reaction time- he didn’t have a chance. I powerfully passed him, and any other challengers that day, well, any challengers that were going under the 70-mph governor that they install on those damn things. Now I know why UPS wants to race the truck.