Some of the things I would do if I were a teenager again:
1. Be the first one to get a tattoo that immortalizes the “where’s the beef?” lady.
2. Help the women’s equal rights movement – who the hell started that “guys have to pay, but I still want to be treated equal” bullshit – you can’t have it both ways sister.
3. Invest all the money that I didn’t have to spend on “chicks” in CISCO (not the thong song guy – he spells it different).
4. Read a parenting book. Critique my parents and eagerly point out their mistakes.
5. Tight roll my jeans.
