I bought an Xbox at Media Play last night, and at one point I feared for my life. 3 separate clerks at the store wanted to give me high fives, walk me to my car, tell me secret codes; I think they all thought they were coming over to help me set it up.

It was like they were all parents sending their first born away for the summer. They were all very adamant about suggesting their favorite games and controllers, even though I didn’t ask for advice.

Clerk: “Dude, you have to at least rent Halo. There’s nothing more satisfying than aliens running from you in fear of your ultimate power. Muuuhhahahaaaahaa.”

Me: *staring blankly as the clerk darts off to the Dungeons and Dragons trading card section.*

I don’t know if I’m ready to own an Xbox, but it’s too late now.