adding insult to injury

Category: St. Cloud, MN (page 1 of 2)

Jackpot! You can thank me later.

It’s large-garbage-day in town this Saturday. Our garbage bill is included in our property tax. Twice a year you can leave pretty much anything at the end of your driveway and they’ll take it away. Scavenging leachers peruse the neighborhood. One mans trash is another mans treasure.

I just hit the mother load! A beta-max player and a 25" furniture TV up the road from my house. If you hurry it’s probably still there!

Local police hunt for armed man

“Authorities are warning St. Cloud residents that a man who fled officers Monday should be considered armed and dangerous.” Reports the central Minnesota paper The St. Cloud Times.

After 18 hours of searching the St. Augusta area (about a quarter mile from where I work) police have yet to find him. And no wonder! The man is described as a 26 year old wearing a cutoff dark-colored T-shirt and blue jeans. Looking for an armed young man in a cutoff in central Minnesota is like looking for needle in a stack of needles!

St. Cloud WTF and E. Coli Bacteria

The St. Cloud Minnesota Water Treatment Facility (WTF) issued a water boil ordinance for St. Cloud and St. Augusta late last night due to multiple positive tests for E. coli bacteria. The cause of the contamination to the water-supply is typically human or animal feces. All St. Cloud schools were closed for the day and there were long lines for water at the local grocery stores.

A day off for a heavy snowfall is a snow-day… so what are the students calling it? Poopy-water day?

Learn more here on google news.


ohmygodthatseffingcoldTo those of you who complained that Winter isn’t here yet in Minnesota, Merry Freaking Christmas. The windchills should approach 40 below of the next few nights.


W visits St. Cloud

St. Cloud gets an important visitor on the campaign trail. I can’t believe they got a 757 (you may know it as Air force 1) to land at the St. Cloud airport. He’s the first sitting president to ever visit St. Cloud, and I’m surprised he did. There’s only 100,000 or so in the community, and his wife had already made stops here. But, Bush has jumped 10% in the nation wide polls as of late, and no doubt St. Cloud was the key. No Doubt.

Sports Celeb Invasion

I have officially joined the paparazzi.

Yesterday I was about to go to lunch when a couple of buds stopped in and said that Corey Chavous and Jack Brewer of the Minnesota Vikings were at the McDonalds just up the road. Apparently they’re in town for a radio show, and stopped on their way through for some grease.

I hopped in my truck and headed over. I pulled up near the unmistakable Cadillac Escalade truck “rollin’ on twenty-twos” that looked so out of place it just had to be theirs – not a lot of bling-bling rides in the STC.

Anyway, I saw Brewer walking out and readied my camera, then he looked right at me and I felt lame and didn’t take a shot. I figure he was working through the gut rot and didn’t want to be bothered, besides it’s the first day off of the Viking bye week. So, I went through the drive through and was about to head out when I noticed their ride across the street waiting for a car wash. Ah, what the hell.

T-Wolves In Da House

I was heading downtown in St. Cloud on Saturday night, when I received a call from my friend, “I’m in the Carpet standing next to Flip Saunders, get in here now”. The wolves preseason practice facility is just out of town, and the nicest hotel in the area is across the street from The Red Carpet Night Club.

The team had the loft overlooking the main stage all to themselves. It looked like they were hazing some of the rookies, because Quincy Lewis and Mark Madsen were on stage acting as MC’s, calling up some guys to sing. Deep and Wide and the Hokey Pokey were their choices, and they were horrible.

It was cool to see the players out, but sad at how big of a deal a lot of people made of the situation. I heard the entire team was there, but I didn’t see all of them. Stood next to Sprewell, and saw a few others plain as day, but I didn’t get a look at Wally or Garnett though I’m told they were there too. I really need to get a camera-phone for moments like this.

We of course had to call Robbler and let him know that we were out on the town, his girlfriend was there, oh and the t-wolves too. All the while he was stuck in Indiana. Poor Robbler.

Bachelorette Party Death Squad

The girls of St. Cloud have got the bachelorette party down to a science. It seems to have become of a business venture than a celebratory event.

We were in the Red Carpet on Saturday when the Red Room was breached by a SWAT team of girls toting beads, sucker bouquets, and a decked out bride with roughly 25,000 life savers stapled to her specially designed suck for a buck vest. The girls fanned out there assault, propositioning – no demanding – every breathing male in the room to pay for beads, and a dollar to bite off a lifesaver from the vest, and at least one of them to give up their underwear. When this parasitic pack had exhausted the room, cleaning out every poor saps last dollar – and some guys boxers – a whistle blows, they regroup, and head to the next room.

The operation would make any military general, or the IRS, proud. If I had to guess these girls could easily pull in $500 to $1,000 per night. I’m sure half of the “Brides” that came through that night were not even getting married. We don’t stand a chance.

This can’t be right

rainradar.jpgI was at this morning and noticed something very strange. Now normally what you see on this “radar” is just a map of Minnesota, but today it was different. There must be a glitch or something because there are green and yellow splotches all over the place. Weird.

What Weather

On saturday we had some strange weather roll through town. Clouds didn’t know which way to go. The temperature dropped from 78 to 58 degrees in 10 minutes during the hottest time of the day. Then it jumped back up to 76 within the hour. This picture doesn’t do it justice.

Go Jimmy

There is a local band that is getting a shot at the big-time. I graduated high school with a member of the band Velveteen; actually at one point it was two members that I graduated with, but one has since moved on to other things. Anyway, RiplFx is reporting that they are recording their first full length album – as well as landing some gigs in front of some industry execs in Hollywood.

Good luck guys.

Wonder where winterland went

For the life of me I couldn’t sleep last night. I remember looking at the clock and seeing 4:15. Maybe it’s the heat wave we’re having. Two days in a row with record breaking highs will keep anyone up at night. I mean seriously, temperatures in the 50’s in January – in Minnesota!?!

Things I saw today that I don’t ever remember seeing in January before:

Joggers, wearing t-shirts no less

Blue sky

People walking their dog

A picnic


People walking, not quickly scurrying indoors – normally skin freezes in 0.04 seconds in January


Clean cars (normally this time of year all you see is a layer of salt and dirty snow clumps)

Things I would expect to have seen, but didn’t:



Plow truck

Ice scraper

Zambonie (well, I didn’t)


Tow truck


Oh hell, you get the idea.

Weekend blowout

Friday night I went to a birthday bash that lasted a solid 12 hours after the first keg was tapped. My liver was in tears; it was a drinking marathon.

Saturday night a friend hooked a group of us up with box seats to the SCSU Huskies hockey game – yeah box seats, who knew? I hadn’t been to a game in a couple years. It felt the same, but the kids in the student section looked a lot younger – damn I’m getting old.

J, hope you can get that stain you made out of your drive way – kicking the chunks with your shoe didn’t seem to be helping much. Good thing I didn’t return the whiskey favor or you would have been hurting even more.

Butt shot

The talk around the water cooler this morning was of the inappropriate snapshot of “young butts” on the cover of the St. Cloud Times today. (see below) I thought it was an article about “atomic weggies” and their debilitating effects but I guess it was about the heat wave – that just ended today. Damn that SC Times is good.

I especially like when the times tries to cover world events, yet they have no travel budget, and no foreign corespondents. Most articles should be preceded by “as I read at this morning”.

A great St. Cloud Realtor

I thought I’d give a strong recommendation of my realtor, Deb Sorem with ReMax Realty (320-251-2200). She was attentive to detail, didn’t push her own listings on me, treated my like a person – not a payday, and happily drove me to look at literally dozens of homes. I would recommend her to anyone looking for a Realtor in the St. Cloud area. Make sure you tell her that I sent you.

Minnesota Morning Monsoon

St. Cloud Times reporting on this mornings rain:

“Water was reported up to the windshields of vehicles stuck in water on Eighth Street North between 33rd Avenue and Highway 15, and barricades stopped traffic on 25th Avenue N. north of 3rd Street because of flooding….”

Apparently many cars were seen floating in different areas of the city. Sgt. Jim Feeny of the St. Cloud Police Department had this to say: “It’s wet and deep”. He’s brilliant.

The image below shows where division bridges over 9th, and as you can see Sgt. Feeny was right. Photographed by Liz, sent to me by Brian:

Krispy Kreme the Caviar of St. Cloud

St. Cloud is about 70 miles north-west of the Twin Cities, and thus 70 miles from the nearest Krispy Kreme. The status of a Krispy Kreme doughnut or any Krispy Kreme contraband in St. Cloud can be compared to other exclusive culinary delectables such as imported Russian Caviar.

People display their wrappers and Krispy Kreme hats like trophy’s or a souvenir from an exclusive vacation – status symbols. The Krispy Kreme memorabilia perform the same purpose as do postcards from said vacations. You know, the postcards that say “Wish you were hear” but really mean “Ha ha suckers trapped in the Minnesota tundra, I’m on the beach you sorry SOB!”

I see opportunity. I’m going to open a Krispy Kreme re-distribution franchise/lemonade stand here in St. Cloud. Hire commuters to pick up my KK supply and use kids to do the selling – because child labor is cost effective and cute kids sell sweets like crazy. Riches here I come.

Gary is a pusher

If you’re from St. Cloud or more accurately a SCSU student, then you (and your Cholesterol level) are acutely familiar with Gary’s Pizza and the infamous Gary’s Special (that’s two cheese boats, a two-liter soda, and a large pizza for $12.25 for you non-locals)

Gary is the ultimate beer munchie quencher, and the origin of the freshman 15 (or 30). Gary is a true pusher not unlike your common drug dealer.

The first time you order a Gary’s Special, it will arrive in what seems like minutes, cooked to glorious perfection — but from then on, you’re hooked, and Gary knows it. When you call most Pizza establishments they will boast fast delivery, but not Gary – he knows you’ll wait. Call for a special and he’ll respond with “it’ll be there in 45 minutes to an hour.” It could be more, but you’ll be so happy to see those cheese boats (with dunkin’ sauce) that you wont care. He’s in complete control.

The only thing stopping Gary from world domination is the sobering factor – that is if he waits too long, giving us a chance to sober up and realize that each slice contains somewhere around 1,400 grams of fat and all the beer we just drank wont cancel them out. (Kristen has a perfect example of the sobering factor)

You see, Gary’s is one of the few places in this town that will deliver after the bars close, and for that he will always be a collegiate god. (Erberts & Gerberts is a story for another day)

I’m would say I’m in no way affiliated with Gary’s Pizza, cept I majored in the Gary’s Special my freshman year

Evil do’er call to arms

It’s time for the St. Cloud Superman to have an arch nemesis. Anyone with a Lex Luthor costume and loads of free time is encouraged dress up and taunt him from across the street. Planing of evil world domination plots optional.

Disclaimer/Caution: I’ve also been informed that he lifts weights, is a construction worker, and was in wrestling and a football player in high school – so he’s most likely physically capable of kicking your ass. Remember, muscles and mental instability are a dangerous combination. If you get hurt it’s not my fault, and it probably isn’t the first time. If you’re crazy enough to try this, then you’ve most likely been mimicking every stunt you see on MTV’s Jackass. Lets not forget those underground home Wrestling tapes you’ve been filming – you crazy bastard.