adding insult to injury

Category: In the News (page 2 of 3)

News Programs Renamed Speculation Programs

It’s been reported that all of the networks are renaming their “news” programming to the more accurate title of “Speculation Programs”.

All of the major networks seem to be following suit, except for Fox. They have announced plans to rename all news broadcasts to “Hey, We’re Just Making This Shit Up”™. Apparently, this title narrowly edged out the secondary proposal of “Dig This Bitchin’ War With Iraq Graphic!!”.

Only one candidate for NBA MVP 2003

Ya damn right!

If you listen to writer Jerry Brewer, employed by the Orlando Sentinel to write day in and day out about Tracy McGrady and the Magic, there is only one clear MVP this season. And his nickname is not TMac.

‘Unless Bryant can get the Lakers to 50 victories, unless McGrady can get the Magic to 45, unless Jason Kidd can hit five open jumpers in a row and unless Tim Duncan can provide a good quote, then Garnett should be MVP,’ writes Brewer.

[via: Alt Text]

Microsoft buys Virtual PC maker

Today Microsoft announced that they have purchased Connectix, the makers of Virtual PC for the mac (an app that allows mac users to run windows 95, 98, me, xp, etc “on top” of the mac os). I can’t see how this is a good thing. M$ put the usual “This is just another sign that we’re committed to the Mac “, but I’m thinking it will just turn into a crutch for their developers. So if they don’t develop (or develop further) an application for the mac, you can bet they’ll be mentioning the fact that if you fork over a pile of dough you can run it slowly on thier “wonderful” Virtual PC. Pfff.

Superman Lance Armstrong

The New Yorker discusses Superman Lance Armstrong:

“Lance Armstrong’s heart is almost a third larger than that of an average man. During those rare moments when he is at rest, it beats about thirty-two times a minute—slowly enough so that a doctor who knew nothing about him would call a hospital as soon as he heard it. (When Armstrong is exerting himself, his heart rate can edge up above two hundred beats a minute.)”

Anil Says:

“Thirty-two BPM at rest?! This guy’s a machine. It makes me wonder when the first athletes will be disqualified from international competition for mechanical enhancements, like nanotech implants or perfomance-enhancing machinery.”

If you are wondering, yes this was exactly copied from Anil’s blog. I am shameless and contentless today.

Mailbox Bomber Connection

My father’s bestfriend’s son went to a concert with the mailbox bomber last year. Now, he is waiting to be intervied by the FBI because he wrote a check to the kid for tickets. Strange. You’d think the Bomber would have realized that now is not a good time to be playing terroristic pranks.

Mile High Club Mayhem

Apparently two passengers were smoking crack and having sex in the airplane bathroom. The two men were taking repeated trips to the bathroom to smoke up, etc., passengers noticed so the pilots radioed to shore to have police waiting. The air force also heard this request and decided to send two F-16’s just incase. Good to know they’re ready I guess.

It’s a big deal

For those of you who thought I was saying 43 degrees is cold. The average high for today is 18 degrees and the average low is -1, which is usually at night. So we were 44 degrees above the average temperature for approximately that time in the evening. Try and remember the last time you were 44 degrees above average where you’re from. Ha.
Update: Just heard the Park View golf course is open in the Twin-Cities. Dang!

Bin Ladin Calculated Sept 11th Attack

Usama Bin Ladin Says: “we calculated in advance the number of casualties from the enemy, who would be killed based on the position of the tower. We calculated that the floors that would be hit would be three or four floors. I was the most optimistic of them all. (…Inaudible…) due to my experience in this field, I was thinking that the fire from the gas in the plane would melt the iron structure of the building and collapse the area where the plane hit and all the floors above it only. This is all that we had hoped for.”

[via: TRANSCRIPT OF USAMA BIN LADEN VIDEO TAPE ]

Schools forced to 4 day week

The second major school district in the twin-cities is going to a 4 day week because of budget shortfalls. Elk River, an 8,700 student district, is going to have 4 long days a week to save 3.7 million dollars. When I was in grades K-6th we had 4 day weeks and I turned out OK, but I still don’t think it is such a good idea. These budget shortfalls aren’t surprising to me, this is what happens when you elect a Pro Wrestler to do a Politicians job.

America’s New Militia-Men

Here is a quote from a Washington Post article that referenced United Airlines Flight 93, which crashed into the Pennsylvania countryside:

It was the hijackers’ bad luck that they chose a plane with a number of large men on board. Beamer stood 6-foot-1 and weighed 200 pounds. Jeremy Glick, 31, another passenger involved in the apparent revolt, was a college rugby player and judo champion. Mark Bingham, 31, of San Francisco was a 6-foot-4 rugby player.

Code Red III

When are sys-admins going to install the damn patches. Code Red III are you kidding. Three revisions to a virus can spread before they install a patch. Some people shouldn’t be allowed to own/run computers.