adding insult to injury

Category: Golf (page 1 of 1)

New Golf Gear

I’ve been slowly over the past 12 months accumulating some new golf gear. The latest is a new driver that sounds like an Easton aluminum bat when hit. It’s a Cleveland HiBORE Monster XLS. They have a deal from now through the end of June where you buy a driver and you get a free 3 wood. From now on, when I go to the driving range I’ll just call it BP.
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2009 Golf Year in Review

My good buddy V asked us to blog about all of our golf accomplishments, rounds, times we thought about golf, etc. He’s been blogging and so far in 6 posts he’s tallied 183 exclamation points… and counting. (I did a find-all, so it’s no exaggeration.) His exuberance has convinced me to do the same.

And now, for my annual summary of my golfing accomplishments: I put my clubs in my truck — just in case. This concludes my summary.


BustedI warned Ash, “heads up,” as I was about to tee off – she was getting some practice swings in near the tee-box. Rather than stopping her practice swings and paying attention, she decided to continue her practice swings behind the golf cart. I was in the middle of my back-swing and I what sounded like an avalanche of golf clubs falling from the sky.

I look up and ask, “Did it break”? To which she quickly replied “What? Break? No, go just go ahead and hit…” with a look of guilt so obvious you’d think she never told a lie in her life. Her follow through colided with a the steal bar on the golf cart that holds the roof in place. The club didn’t have a chance.

I think it’s funny because I was thinking just one hole earlier how much power she was starting to get out of her swings. Apparently, power enough to snap a graphite shaft against a golf cart like a twig.

Ball mark repair tool anyone?

Ball mark repair tool anyone?A group of coworkers and I hit the Territory golf course of St. Cloud, MN on Friday. Six I.T. guys couldn’t say no to the new GPS systems they just added to their golf carts.

The course played a bit longer after all the rain we received last week and they had just aerated the first cut of fringe on the greens but other than that the course was great considering. I literally stuck my approach shot from 118 yards on the second hole (pictured), no bounce, no back spin, no roll, just a big ole hole and the ball sitting in it.

Yes, I missed the 6 footer for bird.

[photographer credit: JH]

First tee box at the Preserve

First tee box at the Preserve
This year was the second annual Grand View Lodge trip, though it was the first year I attended so don’t go digging through the archives looking for last years story.

As you may or may not know, Minnesota has more golf courses per capita than any other state in the U.S.. Grand View, our destination, is a resort in the Brainerd Lakes area of central Minnesota. Six of us bought a stake in the Michael Jordan sweet of Grand View for three days and two nights of golf and well, you’ll see. It’s a pad worthy of a spot on MTV’s Cribs complete with Pool table, Foosball table, 60 inch TV, Fireplace, Granite counter tops, and one of those multi-headed showers – not to mention the big pimpin’ grill outside!

The lakes area is chock full of courses and we were lucky enough to get to play a couple of the best. The first day we hit up my favorite of the trip for me, The Preserve. The course was in amazing condition and set up for a tournament the upcoming weekend. That means long rough, wet fairways, and fast greens. We played the first round for points, 10 bucks a piece, winner take all.

Here’s the breakdown for scoring.

  • 1 pt. Fairway
  • 1 pt. Green in Regulation
  • 1 pt. Par
  • 2 pt. Birdie
  • 3 pt. Eagle
  • Mac won the dough in what was mostly a blowout. Damn scratch golfers.

    That night we grilled some steaks and corn on the cob before a round of poker. Mac won the poker too in a sweep for the day’s festivities. The first day was a Monday so the nightlife was a bit dismal. We passed the time with an over-the-top arm wrestling challenge. The sober bar tender dominated this event, but only after everyone else was too tired to have any gunpowder left in the guns – and did I mention he was sober. Yeah, cheater.

    Upon returning home there was a steak fight followed by a wrestling challenge. I’ll just let the video describe the rest of this evening.

    The following day there were a few sore people, but I’ve no idea why. We played the Deacons that day. The game was a team best ball, and thankfully I was on Mac’s team cause he shot like 4 over himself. I was less impressed by this course and much preferred

    Cole’s keg stand

    Cole's keg standI had my ten year high school reunion last weekend. Damn I’m old. Anyway, Cole was in Africa so he couldn’t make it so some people got a blow up doll and put his face on it. We all signed it and posed for pictures with him, and then we’re going to ship it all off to him. He got into a lot of precarious positions that night.

    The day included a round of golf at Izaty’s, beach volley ball, a chill in the pool, fear factor, a dvd-slideshow viewing, dinner on the balcanoy, Sunshine Behavior playing for an hour, a visit to the Bay View street dance, and finally a keg party at a classmates

    It was a really great time.

    Rock Out!

    I helped a bud sheet-rock his fourth level of his house this past weekend. It was the lowest level where the big-screen and bar are going, so the project was very important. The estimated labor time was three hours, followed by golfing. It ended up taking the entire day, and a bit of Sunday before the Viking’s game. We only placed 40 sheets, but it was an all rookie crew and a fair amount of messed up, angled cuts. I think we did pretty well — that is if you forget the fact that an entire sheet never fell on the homeowners head.

    I woke up Sunday morning with what I thought was a really runny nose, that was until I opened my eyes an realized I was bleeding all over myself. The rock dust in the sinuses must have dried me all out. I can only remember getting two or three nose bleeds in my entire life, and this one was quite bad comparatively. Calm down everyone; you can relax because I didn’t even pass out from the blood (shock!). It soaked all through my comforter, sheets, pillow case, mattress pad and onto the mattress. It was a mess, but oxy-booster took care of it. I’m sure with all that blood loss I need to get some protein in me, so of course I grilled some steak.

    I think next time I rock out, I’ll sleep with a humidifier on high.

    Breezy Point Weekend

    A group of us are heading up to Breezy Point Resort in Brainerd this weekend. When I was shopping for the trip I used a little basket at the grocery store, and a shopping cart at the liquor store. I’ve got the grill loaded up in the truck and the Bean Bag Toss ready to go. The plan was golfing and boating fun but it may just turn into a two day long Texas Hold ’em tourney due to the weather. Either way it should be a good time.

    Well, we all survived the weekend, and that was surprising for some. Especially considering what people are willing to drink for $58 (pictured). The same person who drank the death swill, also nearly proved the people who banned Yard Jarts right.

    I’d also like to take this opportunity to point out to the captain of the boat that the landing is only 200 yards from the dock. This distance should be easily covered in under 3 hours – and without mangling the prop on any rocks.

    I only lost $16 in Poker, but I’m more of a hold ’em player. I don’t like games where you have to figure out which hand wins, 6 aces or a Royal Flush .?.

    I don’t think I’ll be posting any other photos up here to protect the guilty.

    Away on Business

    I’m headed to Miami on business Friday morning. It looks like I’ll have Saturday off, so I’m tempted to rent a car and drive to Fort Myers to catch a Twins game – in an open air stadium. If not, maybe I’ll go golfing or something. No matter what I end up doing, I’ll be outside in 80 degree weather… I may burst into flames.

    Derft Goes to Pebble Beach

    Last weekend a few buddies and I hit the new golf simulator in town. It was a pretty good time, as you don’t have to wait for the beer-cart-girl to come around, you can just walk up to the bar – oh you can order pizza too. Nice.

    Because none of us are fantastic golfers, the comedy unfolded rather quickly. In a new series not unlike Dorf Golf, I introduce you to Derft Golf. You can see Derft in all sorts of wacky situations. Here he is hitting out of the sand into a giant rock wall. In this photo he is so far off the beaten path that he found a tropical rain forest – and a golf cart. Finally see the Derft hitting yet another shot out of the sand, only this time it’s into a fence.

    Reportedly there were no scouts in the gallery.

    Update: I should mention that his name was listed in the “Eagle Watch” for target league last week.

    A Trip to the Osbornes

    As you may have guessed, I’m back from Myrtle Beach. I had a blast.

    Instead of going strait to Chad and Kari’s place, we stopped for some mini-golf. I think everyone had fun – well, except for Kari, who took dead last and is a very, very poor loser. Chad continued to remind her of her loss the rest of the weekend, and I’m sure the abuse will continue for several months.
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    Wonder where winterland went

    For the life of me I couldn’t sleep last night. I remember looking at the clock and seeing 4:15. Maybe it’s the heat wave we’re having. Two days in a row with record breaking highs will keep anyone up at night. I mean seriously, temperatures in the 50’s in January – in Minnesota!?!

    Things I saw today that I don’t ever remember seeing in January before:

    Joggers, wearing t-shirts no less

    Blue sky

    People walking their dog

    A picnic


    People walking, not quickly scurrying indoors – normally skin freezes in 0.04 seconds in January


    Clean cars (normally this time of year all you see is a layer of salt and dirty snow clumps)

    Things I would expect to have seen, but didn’t:



    Plow truck

    Ice scraper

    Zambonie (well, I didn’t)


    Tow truck


    Oh hell, you get the idea.