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Category: Caption Machine


I’ve been neglecting the Caption Machine for the past month. I took the initiative to schedule new daily photos for the next week or so.


I just took a look at the referral logs for the Caption Machine, and it’s the number one hit for Hemorrhoids+hot+sauce. Nice.

Simple super heros

I just love the current photo at the caption machine.


You wouldn’t believe how many hits the Caption Machine gets from people searching google for Kelly Osborne Nude.

Caption Contest Deadline Extended

I’ve extended the Caption Machine Logo Contest deadline to July 9th because I’m just too busy to judge them, and it’s a holiday. So you’ve still got time!

Caption Machine Logo Contest!

The Caption Machine needs a logo so we can sell cool CafePress gear rather than beg for donations. I would like anyone who has a creative ounce in your body to submit what you think a cool logo/corporate identity for the Caption Machine would be.

What am I looking for?

Simple yet memorable logo (see Apple, Disney mouse ears, The Fray).

No gradients or fancy 3d crap.

Muted simple colors so it matches the site (single color or black is good).

Doesn’t have to have “Caption Machine” on it.

Submit a vector based (or whatever) file to me ( logo at captionmachine dot com ) via email.

What’s in it for you?

My deepest gratitude, your name in the credits, pride, and a prize! The winner will get a T-Shirt with the logo they designed on it! Hey, we’re a free site, like we have any prize money sitting around.


The sooner the better. If you get your submissions to me in two weeks or less that would be great. So July 3rd is the deadline! Make me proud.

More Caption Machine Press

The Caption Machine has been in a few more publications as of late. Apparently it’s hip with the kids down-under because it is mentioned as a fresh site in this month’s NetGuide Magazine (it’s on their website too). It was also in the tech section of the Huston Chronicle. Read on to see the article.
Read more

Crap, more traffic

Caption Machine (aka Bandwith Sucker) is listed as “New and Notable” on a popular yahoo page. If the traffic isn’t curtailed dramatically, I’ll be flirting with my 20 GB bandwidth limit as well as my 15,000,000 sql query limit. Not good.

Update: Actually, it appears to be on the my yahoo pages. Really, really not good.

Referral Logs

The Caption Machine referral logs are always a fun read. Gross.

Caption Machine in NY Times

My Caption Machine website is mentioned in a New York Times article today. (free registration required) The last few paragraphs have a link to the site and mention a little about it. It’s a small article, but fun none the less. The Caption Machine has also been in the Top 100 links by Blogrollers for the past few weeks, hovering in the low 30’s.
Read more

NY Times

I just finished an interview with a column writer for some paper called The New York Times. The Caption Machine and I will see mention, albeit a small one, in a bi-weekly column. This is kind of fun.

Update: The article will be in the May 23 edition of The Times.

I hate banner ads

38,000 views. 16 clicks. 1 lead. I hate banner ads. Note to self: cancel BMW M3 puchase off to-do list. The banner ads on caption machine won’t even pay for your caffeine addiction.

Downsample Downsample!

I never thought the day would come when I would approach the 20 GB per month bandwidth limit that my host allows, but I have. According to thier FAQ, less than one tenth of one percent of the sites exceed their limit. The Caption Machine has been averaging around 1.2 GB PER DAY for quite a while. Not good. They charge $8/GB if I go over, which is reasonable, but not feasible. It’s time to optimize and down-sample the quality of my jpegs before I get charged like crazy. There was a 30-day stretch overlapping 2 pay periods that I hit 33 GB of traffic. There is no way I’m paying $128/month for hosting.

If you’re looking for a good host – you can’t beat the price/feature ratio of Dream Host. Their generosity is the only reason the capiton machine didn’t get shutdown weeks ago.

Caption Machine Stats

The successful request for pages stat has hit 2.8 million so far for April (this is a bit deceiving because of the php includes), but 75,000 distinct hosts served in 17 days is more than I can shake a stick at. I should be making money off this… annoying banner ads coming soon.

Moron avoidance

I got sick of reading all the lame posts on the Caption Machine so I added a rating system. Now you only have to read the lame ones if you get to the bottom.

Getting Screen Saver’d

Today I get to find out what it’s like to get “Screen Saver’d”. It’s a term for what happens after a site gets mentioned on the Tech TV show The Screen Savers. The typical scenario is the thousands of click happy folks that are watching the show head to the site essentially flooding it with traffic and ultimately bringing down the web server. Tonight on the portion of the show they call the Twisted List, my siteThe Caption Machine is going to be mentioned in the top 5 things learned from weblogs. I’m scared.
Update:Here is movie of a portion of the segment. (click to view an AVI – it is quite lame)

Blog of Note

Looks like Ev has just added my Caption Machine weblog to the blog of note list on the front page of Cool, thanks Ev.

Caption Photo Round Up

Well, I’m about through all of the caption photos that I think are worthy, the others are either too naked or poking fun at retarded people. So, if you have some interesting photos that don’t fall into one of those two categories, I would very much appreciate the uploads. And there will be proper credit if you want it.

Caption Machine Post

Good news everyone, there is a new photo at the Caption Machine waiting for your wit. Also, if you didn’t notice, the caption machine has it’s own domain now (actually for about 2 weeks) –

Caption Post

To ease the masses, another Caption Machine photo was just posted.

I can be your hero baby

I believe everyone in this word should have a role model, someone to idealize, a hero. For me,

Download Chair

Without a doubt, this has to be the best chair for a person home sick with the flu. There has been lot of emphasis these days on the home office, tele-commuting, and VPN’s, well here is the ultimate in computing/sour apple splatter ergonomics for the home.

Caption Machine Update

Here is a hilarious submission from a regular Salted Wound reader named Brent, aka Brentus. He has submitted a few images worthy of your comments. Do us both a favor and caption this puppy up.

It’s not too late to dress up

If you don’t know what you are going to be for halloween, quick build a Tron costume. Or better yet, go as this:

(note: this won’t be the last time I shamelessly use a photo on Salted Wound to push you to add a caption to a photo on the Caption Machine – see, I did it again.)

An Image befitting

I added a photo to the Image Caption Machine that is befitting of the events we Americans currently face. Please take a look at the image, share your thoughts. The photographer may be looking at a Pulitzer or picture of the year or something.


In a selfish attempt to get the ball rolling on the caption machine, I’ve posted the best picture yet.

Captions at Salted Wound – OPEN

The photo caption machine is now officially open, a big thanks to all of you photo submitters! I also added a jpg upload for you to submit some more funny photos directly through the site. Have fun. Be funny.

Update: Added by popular demand – name, email, and web fields so you can get credit for your upload.

Photo Caption Thing

I scrapped together a caption machine last night. Blogger and PHP power the thing. Also, it’s currently using a lame-o blogger template. I haven’t put any design effort into it — it’s just a proof of concept/technology preview. I plan on building my own complete system (independent of blogger) but that will come. Anywho, I am severely lacking in the caption worthy photos department. Please send me anything you’ve got that you think is worthy of such a cause. I will post a link or give credit where do. Post a bunch Sidenote: I know this isn’t exactly a cutting edge site premise, but I was bored.

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