SaltedWound

adding insult to injury

Menu Close

Category: In the News (page 2 of 3)

News Programs Renamed Speculation Programs

It’s been reported that all of the networks are renaming their “news” programming to the more accurate title of “Speculation Programs”.

All of the major networks seem to be following suit, except for Fox. They have announced plans to rename all news broadcasts to “Hey, We’re Just Making This Shit Up”™. Apparently, this title narrowly edged out the secondary proposal of “Dig This Bitchin’ War With Iraq Graphic!!”.

Oh – You Mean These Missiles…

“Iraq says it may stop destroying missiles it’s always claimed didn’t exist.

That’s cool.

Does that mean we can beat the snot out of Saddam based on evidence that doesn’t exist?

For those who missed the irony: the missiles are the evidence.”

[Via: aka cooties]

Only one candidate for NBA MVP 2003

Ya damn right!

If you listen to writer Jerry Brewer, employed by the Orlando Sentinel to write day in and day out about Tracy McGrady and the Magic, there is only one clear MVP this season. And his nickname is not TMac.

‘Unless Bryant can get the Lakers to 50 victories, unless McGrady can get the Magic to 45, unless Jason Kidd can hit five open jumpers in a row and unless Tim Duncan can provide a good quote, then Garnett should be MVP,’ writes Brewer.

[via: Alt Text]

Microsoft buys Virtual PC maker

Today Microsoft announced that they have purchased Connectix, the makers of Virtual PC for the mac (an app that allows mac users to run windows 95, 98, me, xp, etc “on top” of the mac os). I can’t see how this is a good thing. M$ put the usual “This is just another sign that we’re committed to the Mac “, but I’m thinking it will just turn into a crutch for their developers. So if they don’t develop (or develop further) an application for the mac, you can bet they’ll be mentioning the fact that if you fork over a pile of dough you can run it slowly on thier “wonderful” Virtual PC. Pfff.

SEND IN THE CLONE!!!

The first human clone was allegedly born. I’m not a DNA expert, but doesn’t this mean that people can claim that someone took some of there DNA and cloned an evil twin; hereby negating any DNA evidence against them? That’s even better than a temporary insanity plea.

Thank god for math geeks

Finally I can sleep at night. Some math geek found the optimum way to lace your shoes. I’m sure his life’s work is now complete

Bush sends troops to West Nile

Washingotn, DC — Vowing to “exact justice for the taking of innocent American lives,” a determined and defiant President Bush deployed more than 14,000 ground troops to the West Nile Monday.

[via The Onion | America’s Finest News Source™]

War on Iraq Evite

The US would like to invite you to a war against iraq… please RSVP. [via: mightygirl]

Why god? Why?

Sony is closing out production on Beta VCRs, which have thoroughly dominated the market for 27 years. Now what am I going to do to see high quality movies? I’ll miss you betamax.

VoiceStream for Sale?

My one and only phone is my cell phone, my VoiceStream cell phone. It appears that VoiceStream could be up for sale, but analysts are wondering who would be willing to buy it. One analyst went as far as to say that VoiceStream is dead. I may get stuck with my Nokia 8290 phone and no good carriers in the area who support it.

Superman Lance Armstrong

The New Yorker discusses Superman Lance Armstrong:

“Lance Armstrong’s heart is almost a third larger than that of an average man. During those rare moments when he is at rest, it beats about thirty-two times a minute—slowly enough so that a doctor who knew nothing about him would call a hospital as soon as he heard it. (When Armstrong is exerting himself, his heart rate can edge up above two hundred beats a minute.)”

Anil Says:

“Thirty-two BPM at rest?! This guy’s a machine. It makes me wonder when the first athletes will be disqualified from international competition for mechanical enhancements, like nanotech implants or perfomance-enhancing machinery.”

If you are wondering, yes this was exactly copied from Anil’s blog. I am shameless and contentless today.

Who saw Star Wars

Daypop is good for many things. Like searching weblogs for the phrase I saw star wars to see if people like it or not, though I didn’t read the results because I want to make my own opinion – so I guess it isn’t that useful.

Mailbox Bomber Connection

My father’s bestfriend’s son went to a concert with the mailbox bomber last year. Now, he is waiting to be intervied by the FBI because he wrote a check to the kid for tickets. Strange. You’d think the Bomber would have realized that now is not a good time to be playing terroristic pranks.

Back to normal

I knew it wouldn’t last. Amazon is back in the red. Sorry guys, the Christmas season doesn’t last all year.

Mile High Club Mayhem

Apparently two passengers were smoking crack and having sex in the airplane bathroom. The two men were taking repeated trips to the bathroom to smoke up, etc., passengers noticed so the pilots radioed to shore to have police waiting. The air force also heard this request and decided to send two F-16’s just incase. Good to know they’re ready I guess.

It’s a big deal

For those of you who thought I was saying 43 degrees is cold. The average high for today is 18 degrees and the average low is -1, which is usually at night. So we were 44 degrees above the average temperature for approximately that time in the evening. Try and remember the last time you were 44 degrees above average where you’re from. Ha.
Update: Just heard the Park View golf course is open in the Twin-Cities. Dang!

Freak of Nature

I’d like to point out that it is 9:54:47PM in St. Cloud, Minnesota, and it’s

43 degrees!!!

New iMac – cat’s out of the bag

A flat panel, G4 processor, SuperDrive, and a price starting at $1,299. Oh, and it looks real trendy too.
Update: Looks like the URL above is now forwarding to Time in the US. Someone is losing there job over this leak for sure. Here is a link to a picture of it.

Fury mocks SpyMac

I just love how Kevin from Fury mocks SpyMac’s apparently fake iWalk device with a parody of the Apple web site and countdown [hint: read just below “3 days to MacWorld…”]. Whatever it is, I hope I can afford it.

Bin Ladin Calculated Sept 11th Attack

Usama Bin Ladin Says: “we calculated in advance the number of casualties from the enemy, who would be killed based on the position of the tower. We calculated that the floors that would be hit would be three or four floors. I was the most optimistic of them all. (…Inaudible…) due to my experience in this field, I was thinking that the fire from the gas in the plane would melt the iron structure of the building and collapse the area where the plane hit and all the floors above it only. This is all that we had hoped for.”

[via: TRANSCRIPT OF USAMA BIN LADEN VIDEO TAPE ]

Schools forced to 4 day week

The second major school district in the twin-cities is going to a 4 day week because of budget shortfalls. Elk River, an 8,700 student district, is going to have 4 long days a week to save 3.7 million dollars. When I was in grades K-6th we had 4 day weeks and I turned out OK, but I still don’t think it is such a good idea. These budget shortfalls aren’t surprising to me, this is what happens when you elect a Pro Wrestler to do a Politicians job.

*enter sound of hackers everywhere encrypting files*

Internet Piracy Is Suspected as U.S. Agents Raid Campuses, this can’t be good. [free registration required] “Raids were also carried out today in Britain, Australia, Finland, Norway and Sweden” It seems it was a piracy “ring” with a brazen public website that was interested in profit, not just pure piracy. Note to those of you at home, if you’re gonna steal software, don’t sell it too.

Woman Dies in search of Fargo cash

Apparently a 28 year-old Taiwanese woman died of exposure near Detroit Lakes, Minnesota in search of the fictitious treasure from the 1996 film Fargo.

Who cares about IT?

Obligatory post on IT. Also, I made a quick Poll here.

Be Prepared – Rocks are gonna fly

I think it would be good to watch Armageddon and Deep Impact this weekend so you can be better prepared for what is going to happen. Also, begin looting early.

Fed Cuts Rates to 1961 Levels

With the interest rates at record lows, I wish I could afford to buy a house… damn those credit card bastards.

Go Dave!

Dave Winer, who incidentally played a big role in my release of BlogScript, won Wired magazines Tech Renegade award for 2001. If it weren’t for Dave, BlogScript would have never happened.

America’s New Militia-Men

Here is a quote from a Washington Post article that referenced United Airlines Flight 93, which crashed into the Pennsylvania countryside:

It was the hijackers’ bad luck that they chose a plane with a number of large men on board. Beamer stood 6-foot-1 and weighed 200 pounds. Jeremy Glick, 31, another passenger involved in the apparent revolt, was a college rugby player and judo champion. Mark Bingham, 31, of San Francisco was a 6-foot-4 rugby player.

Faith Healer with a Plan

A Faith Healer was charged with sexual something-erother for requiring a patient to have relations with him in order to exorcize his her demons. I’m not making this up. If this guy gets off — shameless pun intended — there will be big increase in the number of faith healers at large.

Code Red III

When are sys-admins going to install the damn patches. Code Red III are you kidding. Three revisions to a virus can spread before they install a patch. Some people shouldn’t be allowed to own/run computers.

© 2017 SaltedWound. All rights reserved.

Theme by Anders Norén.