Salted Wound » Humor

Bring your carcass to work day.

admin — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 17:18:43 +0000

I roll into work this morning and see this in the parking lot. Nice. Did I just move to Wisconsin?

Jackpot! You can thank me later.

admin — Wed, 02 May 2007 03:05:16 +0000

Backstory:
It’s large-garbage-day in town this Saturday. Our garbage bill is included in our property tax. Twice a year you can leave pretty much anything at the end of your driveway and they’ll take it away. Scavenging leachers peruse the neighborhood. One mans trash is another mans treasure.

I just hit the mother load! A beta-max player and a 25" furniture TV up the road from my house. If you hurry it’s probably still there!

St. Cloud WTF and E. Coli Bacteria

admin — Tue, 21 Feb 2006 17:49:03 +0000

The St. Cloud Minnesota Water Treatment Facility (WTF) issued a water boil ordinance for St. Cloud and St. Augusta late last night due to multiple positive tests for E. coli bacteria. The cause of the contamination to the water-supply is typically human or animal feces. All St. Cloud schools were closed for the day and there were long lines for water at the local grocery stores.

A day off for a heavy snowfall is a snow-day… so what are the students calling it? Poopy-water day?

Learn more here on google news.

Chestnut Removal $50

admin — Tue, 15 Nov 2005 17:34:55 +0000

My truck wouldn’t start very well today. I had to about floor it to keep it running. I replaced the fuel flow regulator about a year ago and the symptoms were identical. I limped into the shop where they informed me that it was probably either the fuel flow regulator, $250, or the fuel pump, $600. Forty-five minutes later, it turns out a pile of chestnuts (mechanic deduced they were walnuts) were packed in my engine compartment.

If you’ve ever been charged more than $55 for nut removal, you got ripped off.

Pfff, Pffff… is this thing on?

admin — Sat, 12 Nov 2005 16:29:45 +0000

Hey look! I still have a weblog!

Also, I have a link to Noel Unplugged. (listen carefully for groupies in the background)

Bring enough for everyone?

admin — Thu, 28 Apr 2005 15:59:57 +0000

This was in our visitor parking lot at work. If you’re going to be rollin in one of these, be sure you bring enough to share with everyone– or at least a bikini team or something.

Napoleon Dynamite Screen Saver for Sony Ericsson t-610

admin — Tue, 11 Jan 2005 23:47:45 +0000

I’ve created the ultimate Napoleon Dynamite Screen Saver for your Sony Ericsson t-610 phone.

Save it to your computer, then send it to your phone via bluetooth or the data connection.

Also, one of the gangs keeps trying to recruit me because I’m pretty good with a bow-staff.

Clock is ticking ladies

admin — Wed, 22 Dec 2004 15:46:35 +0000

An internal memo that would get you fired if you actually sent it at work.

Rock Out!

admin — Tue, 28 Sep 2004 16:53:55 +0000

I helped a bud sheet-rock his fourth level of his house this past weekend. It was the lowest level where the big-screen and bar are going, so the project was very important. The estimated labor time was three hours, followed by golfing. It ended up taking the entire day, and a bit of Sunday before the Viking’s game. We only placed 40 sheets, but it was an all rookie crew and a fair amount of messed up, angled cuts. I think we did pretty well — that is if you forget the fact that an entire sheet never fell on the homeowners head.

I woke up Sunday morning with what I thought was a really runny nose, that was until I opened my eyes an realized I was bleeding all over myself. The rock dust in the sinuses must have dried me all out. I can only remember getting two or three nose bleeds in my entire life, and this one was quite bad comparatively. Calm down everyone; you can relax because I didn’t even pass out from the blood (shock!). It soaked all through my comforter, sheets, pillow case, mattress pad and onto the mattress. It was a mess, but oxy-booster took care of it. I’m sure with all that blood loss I need to get some protein in me, so of course I grilled some steak.

I think next time I rock out, I’ll sleep with a humidifier on high.