I have eaten at the new St. Cloud IHOP, and it is glorious.

‘The difference between an Iraqi soldier and me is that I’m willing to give my life for his freedom…’

- a U.S. pilot aboard a carrier in the Persian Gulf

[Via aka cooties]

While watching Trading Spaces at 3:00 Sunday afternoon, I thought “shoot, I can do that”. So I decided I needed to paint at least one room in my house some color other than white.

I hopped up and started taping my upstairs bathroom. Then I headed off to the home improvement holy land and picked out some paint. The only things I can remember painting were a fort and a model rocket in fifth grade, so I was lacking in the skill department. I believe I set a world record for “slowest cut-in” on the ceiling, but it didn’t turn out all that bad – and it only required one coat.

The only real problem is that I’m color blind. The color I thought I saw on the little color swatch at Menards was a silvery steal grey color, but turns out it was pretty much baby blue. Oh, and when I took the picture I was still shaking, high from the paint fumes so it’s a bit blurry.

I am by no means a military expert, but I believe I’ve shown my competent grasp of the subject in previous posts. The only weakness that our coalition forces have shown, at least that I’ve seen, is our susceptibility to the evil blue on blue tactics used by the fratricide forces. They seem to be especially effective against the British.

I think it’s abundantly clear we need to dethrone the cunning Fratricide Regime, whoever the heck they are.

I have two more photos to add to my Desktop Picture Gallery. The first was taken out the drivers side window as I was driving in my car (with the window up unfortunately) on Ash Wednesday as I was passing a church – though neither I nor the church are Catholic) The second is a shot of fish off a pier in Myrtle Beach. The third was again taken through a window, and is a picture of the ocean at Myrtle Beach.

With all the speculation on whether or not Saddam is barely alive, in good health, or sending us these videos from the grave, it’s only a matter of time before some macromedia wizard generates a “Make Your Own Saddam Video” website with a meme worthy following.

I was enraged with Bush regarding an obvious oversight in planning the “Showdown with Saddam”. If there has ever been a more obvious time to bring in The A-Team, I’ve never seen it.

You laugh, but the Iraqi army is a perfect adversary for the A-Team. If you watched the timeless 80′s sitcom you no doubt remember the hundreds of criminals that would shoot aimlessly at the A-Team. Not surprisingly, none were ever able to actually hit anything. Similarly, the Iraqi anti-aircraft weapons continuously shoot at plane’s over Bagdad, and just as the A-Team’s adversaries, can’t hit shit (I’m not even going to touch the SCUDS).

I was actually formulating a letter to the President to inform him of this military mistake, when I was informed that he had in fact deployed Optimus Prime (no joke) in their stead.

Bravo Mr. Bush, bravo.

Update: Ok, this is just getting out of hand. Saddam Better watch out.

The power adapter on my PowerBook nearly caught fire on Saturday. I plugged it into the wall, and went into the kitchen for a glass of water. By the time I came back the room smelled of melted(ing) plastic. I had a fan, a ceiling fan, and a lamp on at the time; so I proceeded to blood hound my way around the room. I finally deduced that it was my power adapter. It was very hot to the touch, hot enough to burn my hand – so I grabbed a shirt to use as a oven-mitt and quickly unplugged the thing. The wire leading from the power brick to the laptop was melted and shorted – its useless.

I was stuck with 18 minutes of battery life left and no way to charge it. I called Apple and they’re shipping me a new one, but it wont be here for a week. I snagged one from CompUSA so I’m back in business. I’ve been meaning to get one for work and home anyway. Seven days with out a computer, are you kidding me?

It’s been reported that all of the networks are renaming their “news” programming to the more accurate title of “Speculation Programs”.

All of the major networks seem to be following suit, except for Fox. They have announced plans to rename all news broadcasts to “Hey, We’re Just Making This Shit Up”™. Apparently, this title narrowly edged out the secondary proposal of “Dig This Bitchin’ War With Iraq Graphic!!”.